Opal

[Opal]

[positive-memes]

Good cop / wholesome cop strategy

[aurulupus]

If you have to sharpen a knife to cut the cake then it’s probably not worth talking. My lips are sealed.

[Opal]

[toolmutual]

i will say the funniest thing i’ve ever fucking seen on a tv soap is when my mum was watching holby city (british medical drama) many many years ago and there was this one really arrogant anaesthetist and he was bragging about something or other while holding a charged defibrillator pad in each hand and triumphantly clapped them together and just straight up electrocuted himself and fucking died. it was supposed to be like a serious scene but nothing i’ve ever watched since has surpassed that level of comedy

[toolmutual]

it’s so much fucking funnier than i remember

[Opal]

[deathclavv]

the beast: i’m gonna be cursed forever….. for who could ever learn to love a beast? :(

belle, local furry:

[aurulupus]

and then she leaves him when he turns human

[Opal]

[fleetwoodbrak]

gollums loincloth is like 2 inches of toilet paper and he’s hopping around like disneys quasimodo doing acrobatics and we as an audience are narrowly spared from seeing his peepee but you cannot you CANNOT argue that sam and frodo didnt see it at least once!! they didn’t want to but they didn’t have things like camera angles to save them they probably saw gollums swinging little meat sack a hundred times and both of them just decided to never ever mention it

[Opal]

You had a choice: I could love you or I could fear you. You chose fear every time.

Happy Fathers day.

[Opal]

[iamfinallybreakingfree]

My home will be a home with no loud anger, no explosive rage, no slamming doors or breaking glass, no name calling, shaming or blackmail. My home will be gentle, it will be warm. It will keep my loved ones safe. No fear, no hurt and no worries. I may come from a broken and twisted place but I will build something whole and safe. I’ll sing in the shower again, cook with a smile and dance in all the rooms. I will heal.

[Opal]

[unpretty]

when i was in middle school nickelodeon on directv broke and it froze on the same frame for five hours. which would not have been so bad, except it was during the episode of spongebob where he goes to live with the jellyfish. specifically the scene where he’s naked and covered in sea urchins and flopping all over the place trying to get them off. and it froze on the frame where spongebob was facedown on the ground, naked. so he was laying there like that in complete silence for five hours. we would change the channel back every so often to see if he’d gotten up, but he was still like that when we went to bed. none of my friends had directv so when i asked them the next day they hadn’t seen it, but my brother and i were pretty convinced that spongebob was dead.

[unpretty]

[Opal]

These two have.. interesting conversations.

[Opal]

[danvsscreenshots]

I saw Dan Mandel at a grocery store in Van Nuys yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face.

I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

[Opal]

[watercolor-gryphon]

Mens shampoo turns woman to stone

[ray-winters-sings]

Mens sunscreen catapults women into the sun

[nogoodpainting]

It’s true, I once used a woman’s sunscreen and suddenly found myself being smashed into the ground by the force of gravity.

[tharook]

This is very important for trans people. Take care when transitioning that you don’t hurt yourself with products that are no longer appropriate, or which aren’t yet.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

I once accidentally used mens shampoo and now I’m dead and haunting the store where I purchased it

[aurulupus]

lmao I actually use a men’s razor on a regular basis. it gives me less nicks than a women’s razor because its sharper and meant for more tender skin. (a face)